What I Hate About Dating.

dates, Uncategorized

I love dating, but …

Here are the 10 things I hate about it!

  1. The 30 minutes before the date. What time shall I leave, I can’t be the first one there. Where can I park? Oh the anxiety.
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  2. The initial meet. Do you go in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek, or is it more of a handshake jobbie?  What if I go in for a hug and he goes for a handshake and subsequently loses his hand in my somewhat un-toned stomach?!   Just like something out of a freaking horror film!….       .    
  3. Eye contact. Suddenly I’m freaking queen on staring contests, constantly reminding myself to blink so that he doesn’t think I’m some creepy unblinking weirdo. I’m just a weirdo, thank you very much.                .

    ….

  4. How to sit. He sits first, there is a seat opposite and a seat next to him. Where the heck am I supposed to sit? Where does he want me to sit? Why am I just standing gawping at the chairs? Why am I sweating?   Oh my god, I’ve forgotten how to sit.
    …… .       
  5. A toilet break, for me. We’ve been sitting sipping our drinks and/or eating our meal, talking for 45 minutes, I didn’t pee before I left home and now I need a wee. But what if I go and there is a line, or I go and my nerves prevent my from peeing straight away and I’m in there too long? What if he thinks I’m pooping?! What if he’s gone when I come out? I’ll just hold it and try not to look pained, like I’ll just pretend my bladder isn’t about to burst.….. .     
  6. A toilet break, for him. He’s been gone a long time, what if he’s left? Should I leave? Ok, no his coat is still here. Is he pooping? I hope he washes his hands. What if he doesn’t and he tries to touch me? Ew, how rude. I should go, a guy that doesn’t wash his hands after he pees is not for me. Maybe he’s left his jacket as a sacrifice to get away from me? Oh wait, he’s coming back, I’ll stay…….       .                                      

  7. The speed at which I drink. As I don’t drink alcohol during the week, or on first dates, I often opt for a lemonade, regardless of what my date drinks. But I am the slowest fizz drinker ever. I’m 1/3 of my way through my first drink and he’s downed his entire pint. Do I offer to buy another drink? I’ll never manage a second, but he clearly will. Is he just going to sit and watch me take baby sips of my lemonade? This is super awkward.      .…..                       
    …..
  8. Winding down the date. I have no idea the optimum time for a date, but when I think its going well, I panic about holding my date up. Like I don’t know anyone who voluntarily wants to spend 2+ hours with me, ‘getting to know me’ I’m boring AF. But how do I wind the date down without them thinking I’m not interested? I’m totes interested if its gone on longer than an hour.                .…..
    ….
  9. The Walk. We’ve both got to get home, 99% of the time, I’ve driven so need to walk to the car park. Like is he going to walk with me? My car is disgusting and needs a wash, will that make a difference to how the date has gone? Why am I walking so slowly? Please don’t make me speed up, these shoes were not made for walking.
    ……
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  10. The Goodbye and after. Is he interested, is he not? Like I am no good at reading signs. Is this awkward linger a good sign, or a bad sign? Is it a sign at all? Is this leading to another date? Or is he going in the ‘Nope’ column? Am I in his nope column? How long ago did he put me in the nope column? I’m going to ring my bestie and give her a detailed replay of the date. Perhaps she’s got some insight. She may as well have come along and observed the whole damn thing. Will he text me? Should I text him? What is the protocol?

 

 

Love

Nicole x

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3 thoughts on “What I Hate About Dating.

  1. So much YES in this post…. although I try to arrive before he does, that way I may get to observe more… and I have to really be careful with ordering booze on the first date. I’m usually so nervous I WILL suck down more than I should just to “loosen up” and then be a chatty Kathy the entire time. LOL.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha sounds like you’re too focused on what you should or shouldn’t do to make him like you. There’s no protocol to dating and every person is going to be different. I’d say don’t sweat the small stuff and worry more about if you like the person or not 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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