Moving on – Option 3

Moving On

‘Filling the Gap’ as my mum calls it.

 

I never used to believe that I could be on my own. I’d relied on a man to give me purpose and had no idea how to make it alone.

 

When I got up the courage to leave my boyfriend of 2.5 years, I sat him down, told him I wasn’t happy and that was that. Or so I thought, I got home and panic set in, I was alone. I had no one (well looking back now, I know I had family and friends, but like I said I was a drama queen in my earlier years). We split up at 7pm, and by 11pm I was on the phone to him, begging for forgiveness.

 

He granted me the forgiveness I was so desperate for and we carried on as if nothing had ever happened. For 3 whole months. I should have realised that the thing that was making me unhappy wasn’t going to change. I hated myself for prolonging the inevitable break up, but I couldn’t face the world alone.

 

When I finally grew a pair and left him, it was a full 72 hours before I started dating someone else. Who turned out to be a huge mistake, but hey ho, you live and you learn.

 

That next relationship solidified my fear that I couldn’t cope on my own. He tore me down bit by bit, making me completely dependent on him. So when he did his first disappearing act, I jumped straight on tinder and POF to find someone to maintain my taken relationship status. When my ‘boyfriend’ (very loose term) reappeared I didn’t question anything and just slipped back into the abusive mundane relationship. But as far as I was concerned, all was right in the world because I was part of a couple.

 

This disappearing, reappearing pattern continued for a year before he left for good.

 

I literally trawled the internet, looking for anyone to step into his place to stop me being alone. Which initially is how this blog started, I was so desperate to find a partner that I practically dated anything that asked.

 

All that has changed now; I’m rather selective with who I date, some might say that’s a bad thing, that beggars can’t be choosers, but you know what, I’ll be as picky as I damn well please and the lucky bloke that earns himself the status of my Boyfriend should thank his lucky stars!

 

I’m definitely not that big headed, whoever I enter a committed relationship with will be just as lucky to have me, as I am to have him.

 

Love

 

Nicole

 

xoxo

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2 thoughts on “Moving on – Option 3

  1. You are on the right track!! I think we deserve to be as picky as we please in the dating arena. And you must be ok being alone before you can be with someone else. I know that is so cliché… but its totally true. I feel like if you go into a relationship not NEEDING them, but WANTING them and knowing you can live without them, then it makes for a much more stable relationship. I’d love to have the opportunity to put this theory into practice, but I do think it makes sense.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! 100% its all about being comfortable alone. I think the time we spend on our own is the most valuable. I’ve made those mistakes in the past and learned that it isn’t necessarily the right thing to jump into a relationship without taking the time to reflect on yourself as an individual. Wow, that got deep! Thank you so much for reading x

      Liked by 1 person

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