31 Things I’m not telling you…
I am a complete mass of contradictions, I say one thing, but feel another. Here is a brief list of those pesky little things that I’m keeping to myself. Enjoy.
- I’m a flight risk – show me a little genuine attention and I’m suddenly an Olympic sprinter. Cartoon style cloud of dust where my body was.
- I do not know how to take a compliment seriously. “You’re really pretty.” Cue sassy come back from me.
- A compliment high for me can last anywhere between 3 seconds to 3 minutes, and never more. After that I feel awkward and uncomfortable, and I’ll most likely respond with an obscure attempt at a compliment… “You have a great breathing technique.”
- I’ve already made a fairly substantial opinion of you before our first date, I’m only there so you can prove me right.
- I rock a hard bitch exterior because inside is fraying patchwork. I’m not very good at sewing so I’d rather not have to fix it all again.
- I retain information like a sponge, waiting to catch you out on a lie (or stretched truth)
- That can work in your favour, as I’ll remember important details you tell me about your mums love for that one little boutique shop or your dads favourite sports team.
- I love to bake – if I really like you, I’ll bake something you’ve told me you like.
- I don’t have a lot of patience, but I rarely express this to someone I like.
- I take things to heart very easily, but I’ll never tell you that.
- I like nice things, but I value time more than anything.
- I analyse everything, trying to figure out whether you’re uncomfortable because you’re hiding something important, or because I’ve put the detective light on you.
- If you fail the dad handshake test, your days are numbered.
- I forgive easily, but never forget or fully respect again.
- If you can’t support yourself, emotionally, financially or mentally, it’s not going to happen.
- I have extremely high expectations of myself, and a lot of the time I forget this isn’t normal and expect those levels from others.
- I use comedy as a weapon. We argue, I comeback with a joke that has serious undertones. You’ll never know if I’m laughing, crying or screaming inside.
- I can react completely differently to the same situation, depending on the time of day, or day of the week. Good Luck with that one.
- My brain is like a minefield. Hit a trigger button and god only knows what’ll happen. Will I cry, will I run, will I stand up for myself? Who knows.
- Creepy, or not, I will at some point, fairly early on try to picture a future with you. I’m not getting any younger so I’d rather not waste my time with a Jack the Lad who wants at least another 10 notches on his bedpost before settling down.
- If you lie, I will find out. The truth hurts, but I’d rather a bit of pain earlier than a whole heap of pain prolonged.
- I’m judging your dress sense. You can dress well on a budget, so put those god awful Velcro trainers in the bin, with that faded misshapen hoodie.
- I’m judging your relationship with your parents. Family is important to me, if it isn’t to you, we’re just not meant to be.
- I’m judging the company you keep. Hanging around streets at 2am on a Wednesday night to catch a Blastoise with your friends is not what I would call ideal.
- I’m judging your job. I don’t care what you do, but if you constantly moan and complain about it, but do nothing to change it, I’m not prepared to be your sounding board.
- In fact, I’m judging everything possible to judge, and then some.
- I am looking for a reason to ghost you or cut ties with you.
- I expect everyone to let me down in some capacity. I expect the worst to avoid disappointment.
- I’ve spent all of my working life competing with other people, this mentality has transpired into my everyday life.
- You have to look out for number 1, so that’s what I do. Stand in my way, and I will step over you.
- I appear cold at first glance, and second glance, and third, come to think of it I don’t warm up until at least the 6th glance, by which time I’m already deemed emotionally damaged.
But you know what, I’m confident and happy with who I am and how I conduct myself and that is all that matters to me!
Single in South Essex