I’ve mentioned before that I am an avid gym goer; I regularly attend spin classes in the evenings and on the weekends. Normally there are 2 instructors that take these classes. There is a lady, who is super energetic and wears me out just by listening to her and there is a guy, who takes fitness so seriously, like he’s the Sergeant Major of the gym. Just because I go to the gym and enjoy it, does not mean that I am any good at it.
This guy, Mr PT, he’s not too bad on the eye, unfortunately for me, every time he sees me, I’m either looking scruffy in my gym kit or drenched in sweat. A real treat for him, I’m sure, with my hair resembling a birds nest and my face red and blotchy, I am a right stunner, in fact, I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to whisk me into the staff room to have his way with me. Ha!
He uses these little sayings in the class to motivate us. ‘The more you sweat, the fitter you get.’ And ‘if you don’t give 100% all of the time, you’re only cheating yourself!’ are two of his favourites. There are a few others, and one in particular he always gets eye contact with me when he says it…
‘You can’t out exercise a bad diet’. I think it was a mistake becoming Facebook friends with him, especially as pretty much every week I post about food or alcohol. Whoops. I’m pretty sure he silently judges me every time I upload a selfie with a glass of wine.
All of his Facebook posts are about exercise. Outside of the gym, the closest I come to exercise are bicep curls to lift wine and cake to my mouth, and perhaps the odd squat if I drop a biscuit on the floor… who am I kidding, I’ll just get another one out of the box.
Another saying of his is, ‘pick a goal and focus on that, I’ve got 15 goals on the go at all times.’ I find it terrible that the first thing that crosses my mind is being able to eat 14 biscuits and look like Michelle Keegan – Or Michelle Wright as she’s now known. My actual thought process is, yeah, I’m sure I could eat 14 biscuits in one go, the last two will be a struggle, but I’m definitely up for the challenge. I’m like 99% sure that is not what he means by goals, but he really should be more specific.
This fitness buff is far too energetic and athletic for me, imagine the sex, he’d have me worn out before I’d even thought about dropping my knickers! Not that I’d even get that far, he wouldn’t entertain the idea of dating a girl that breaks a sweat climbing on the bike, or is out of breath during the warm up!
We did spend last Valentine’s Day together though, in a dark room, surrounded by panting, sweating strangers, and I did leave with a sore noonie. But, alas, it was nothing more than a routine spin class and unfortunately that was the only Valentine’s action I got, the rest of the day was spent in fluffy PJs watching horror films and, surprise surprise, consuming copious amounts of food and wine.
I’m determined to prove to him that I can in fact out exercise my bad diet!
Single in South Essex