2am Texts


Something that really irritates me (when I’m sober) is when a bloke texts you at 2am. Normally on a weekend I am awake and in a similar alcohol fuelled state as the sender of these texts, but this weekend I was in bed, fairly sober (2 cocktails isn’t nearly enough to get me merry these days!). I woke up at 7.30 to find not one but 2 drunken text messages.

The first, I will admit, made me smile when I saw his name, Mr Muscles. That smile didn’t last long after I read the one word he’d sent me. ‘fitt’. I do not know whether he was talking about me, or whether he text the wrong person, but in my sleepy 7am on a Sunday state, I assumed he wasn’t referring to me and asked who. My sister oh so lovingly said ‘Well it is a fair assumption that he wasn’t talking about you being fit…. Fatty.’ Thanks a bunch sis, go jiggle your chins elsewhere! (Love you really!)

He hasn’t replied to my reply. So I do believe this text romance has been handed a DNR order. Truthfully I am a little disappointed, as we both had the same sense of humour and the chat flowed effortlessly, most of the time. Perhaps it was too good to be true. Oh well, if I hear from him that’d be great, but if I don’t, it clearly wasn’t meant to be.

The second text was from a guy who doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘quit’. That’s right folks, Mr Hot and Cold has made yet another reappearance. After blocking him on Facebook and Whatsapp, he has resorted to old fashioned texting to get my attention. At 3.30 am he had obviously ingested a little too much Dutch courage and thought it a fantastic idea to text me. ‘I know you hate me, but can’t we just meet again and see how we go? x’

Hate is a very strong word and strong feelings take a lot of time and effort. To be completely honest, I nothing him. He doesn’t cross my mind at all. I neither care or want to care about him, so why on earth would I go through the effort of meeting him again? I don’t have the time in my life to constantly wonder whether he is going to want me or not each week. Honestly, I don’t have the time or the inclination to wonder how I’m going to feel towards certain people each week, let alone worry about someone else.

Texting after midnight when you’ve been drinking isn’t wise. My sister is a firm believer in ‘Drunken words are sober thoughts’ which may be the case here. Mr Hot and Cold may really want to try again, and Mr Muscle may really think I’m fit (oh I do hope so!) but regardless of their consumption of the apparent truth serum that is alcohol, if you can’t say those things sober, you need to figure out if you really want to say it at all.

I think everything is a fantastic idea when I’ve had a few drinks, even telling my friend that his beard looks like pubes. So true, but definitely not my finest hour. I wouldn’t dream of saying that sober, perhaps Mr Hot and Cold wouldn’t dream of texting me that sober.

Mr Muscle, on the other hand, has text me things like that sober, he’s told me I have a gorgeous smile but that was mid conversation, not randomly at 2 in the morning.


Single in South Essex



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