I’ve had a slightly different encounter to the ones I’ve been used to recently. This guy started talking to me, generic small talk to begin with, and I wondered whether he would say anything of interest, I had pretty much written him off as a potential suitor when something miraculous happened. His message made me smile. The Ice Queen of Essex might actually have a heart?
His messages became more frequent and I have to admit, hearing my phone buzz, knowing that could signal a message from him gave me a feeling I thought I wouldn’t feel for a long time. I’m genuinely excited to hear from him. Our conversations carry on as if we’ve known each other for years, we’ve got similar interests and views on the world (I say similar, of course he doesn’t know my cynical views on dating just yet!).
He’s ticking a lot of my boxes, and as you’ll know, there are a lot of boxes to tick! He’s asked me on a date in a couple of weeks as he’s actually away at the moment. Part of me is hoping something will materialise from this, after all, he has admitted he’s looking for something serious, but on the other hand, its a little daunting.
Do I really want something serious at the moment? Not that I want to sleep around and generally ‘slut it up’ but do I want that commitment of having to answer to another person?
The last 6 months, I have filled my time with gym classes, friends, family, work and decorating my home. Where will I find time to designate to another human? What will I have to sacrifice to meet his needs for my time? Is a relationship something I can pencil into my day planner in between meetings and spin classes? How long would it take for him to get bored of fleeting weekly visits? Or will I want to give up my strict schedule to make way for him?
My head is literally swimming with these questions. One year ago, I would have given up everything for a man, I would make myself readily available to my significant other at all times.
Is this something modern women still have to contend with? Do we as women feel that it is our duty to bend and fit to a mans routine? I sincerely hope that this is not the case, but from personal experience, I’m pretty sure we’ve all done it at some time.
I am not looking for a relationship, I’m quite content with being on my own. However, saying that, I am not apposed to the idea of having someone who cares about me unconditionally, in a way that only a partner can. Eventually I would love to settle down and do the whole loving and caring relationship, potentially with a white dress and a stunning pair of Louboutins to complete the look. Things might not pan with this guy, Ace, but its definitely sparked an interesting internal debate.
Am I ready to jump into another relationship? After the last car crash of a relationship came to an end after 2 years of victimisation and dependency, is a new venture really the right thing for me?
I will definitely keep questioning these thoughts and doubts until I manage to resolve this internal battle.
On a little side note, I think I know what the ‘panty job’ Mr inappropriate offered me is, and it is not down to in depth research, it comes from the Tinder Moment he published, showing his disappointing and rather sad looking erect penis in a pair of white lacey women’s underwear. From that, I am assuming he wanted to rub his minuscule, semi-turgid member against my noonie. I am not sure what concerns me more, the fact that he offers to do this to complete strangers he met online, or that fact that I think I might have underwear just like the ones he donned for that picture.
Single in South Essex